Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.--John Kenneth Galbraith


Every person has the ability to improve the life of someone else. – Guy Kawasaki


When I die, I want to die like my grandfather-who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car. - Author Unknown


Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, “Where have I gone wrong?” Then a voice says to me, “This is going to take more than one night.” - Charlie Brown.

Were it offered to my choice, I should have no objection to a repetition of the same life from its beginning, only asking the advantages authors have in a second edition to correct some faults in the first. – Benjamin Franklin


It is wise to remember that you are one of those who can be fooled some of the time. - Dr. Laurence J. Peter


Don't stay in bed...unless you can make money in bed.--George Burns

No matter how bad things get, you got to go on living, even if it kills you. – Sholom Aleichem

If there were no God, there would be no atheists. – Gilbert K. Chesterton

Two qualities are indispensable: first, an intellect that, even in the darkest hour, retains some glimmerings of the inner light which leads to truth; and second, the courage to follow this faint light wherever it may lead. – Carl von Clausewitz

Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value. – Albert Einstein


Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. - Jules Renard


Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.--Erma Bombeck

The way I see it, if you want the rainbow you gotta put up with the rain. – Dolly Parton

You can’t start motoring up life’s road until you get your buns in gear. – Gene Simmons

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. - Rod Stewart

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breath through their noses when they're eating sandwiches. -
Jim Carrey.


Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new. – Albert Einstein

Many people die at twenty-five and aren’t buried until they’re seventy-five. – Benjamin Franklin

I intend to live forever - so far, so good. - Steven Wright

I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bullshit. - Mel Brooks.

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. - Alex Levine


God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. - Voltaire

I have always been delighted at the prospect of a new day, a fresh try, one more start, with perhaps a bit of magic waiting somewhere behind the morning. - J.B. Priestly

The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom. - H. L. Mencken

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life. - Emo Phillips


It’s never too late to be what you might have been. – George Eliot

"I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members."- Groucho Marx

There's too much tendency to attribute to God the evils that man does of his own free will. – Agatha Christie

The invention of the teenager was a mistake. Once you identify a period of life in which people get to stay out late but don't have to pay taxes - naturally, no one wants to live any other way. - Judith Martin


Know thyself. Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.--Ann Landers

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them. – Albert Einstein

When you’re finished changing, you’re finished. – Benjamin Franklin

The word “aerobics” came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it “Jumping up and down”. - Rita Rudner.


Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. - Douglas Adams.

Find something you love to do and you’ll never have to work a day in your life. – Harvey Mckay

The difference between fiction and reality is that fiction has to make sense. - Tom Clancy.

If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either. - Dick Cavett.


Live every day as though it is your last. Who knows? It might be! – Alexander King

Trees acquire strength by growing slowly and flexing with the pressures of nature. Us too… - Gene Simmons

It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word. – Andrew Jackson

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight. - George Gobal.


Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined. - Johnny Carson

Men occasionally stumble on the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened. – Sir Winston Churchill

You know, it's a long world. -
Lawrence Welk


When angry count four; when very angry, swear. – Mark Twain

Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children" - Author Unknown

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions. – Woody Allen


Always do right; this will gratify some people and astonish the rest.--Mark Twain

Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.--Will Rogers,

One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is. – Erma Bombeck


Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers. - Socrates

Get the facts first. You can distort them later. – Mark Twain

If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners. – Johnny Carson


Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted. - Albert Einstein

The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all art and science. - Albert Einstein

Human beings, vegetables, or comic dust, we all dance to a mysterious tune, intoned in the distance by an invisible player. - Albert Einstein


Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

Buy land, they're not making it any more. – Mark Twain

Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God.... I could be eating a slow learner. - Lynda Montgomery


Our perception of yesterday is the foundation for our expectations of tomorrow. – Gene Simmons

It’s hard to see your destination when you’re focused on the cracks in the sidewalk. – Gene Simmons

 When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me." – Emo Philips


Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. - Will Rogers

If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. - Will Rogers

There are three kinds of men. The ones that learn by reading.  The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence. - Will Rogers


The best things in life are not things!

Red meat is NOT bad for you. Now, blue-green meat, THAT'S bad for you!--Tommy Smothers


A good marriage can be ruined by poor communications – and by forgetting to put the lid back down. – Gene Simmons

Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. – Abraham Lincoln


Never kick a fresh cow pie on a hot day.--Harry S. Truman


What we have is pretty meaningless.  It’s what we are that counts. – Gene Simmons


If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base. - Dave Barry


A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. – Sir Winston Churchill

The best and safest thing is to keep a balance in your life, acknowledge the great powers around us and in us. If you can do that, and live that way, you are really a wise man. - Euripides

Very few things happen at the right time, and the rest do not happen at all.  The conscientious historian will correct these defects. - Herodotus

Everyone has a purpose in life.  Perhaps yours is watching television. – David Letterman

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. - Steven Wright

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