Quotations
Never underestimate
the power of very stupid people in large groups.--John Kenneth Galbraith
Every person has
the ability to improve the life of someone else. – Guy Kawasaki
When I die, I want
to die like my grandfather-who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like
all the passengers in his car. - Author Unknown
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, “Where have I gone wrong?” Then a voice says to me, “This is going to take more than one night.” - Charlie Brown.
Were it offered to
my choice, I should have no objection to a repetition of the same life from its
beginning, only asking the advantages authors have in a second edition to
correct some faults in the first. – Benjamin Franklin
It is wise to
remember that you are one of those who can be fooled some of the time. - Dr. Laurence J. Peter
Don't stay in
bed...unless you can make money in bed.--George Burns
No matter how bad things get, you got to go on living, even if it kills you. – Sholom Aleichem
If there were no God, there would be no atheists. –
Gilbert K. Chesterton
Two qualities are indispensable: first, an intellect that, even in the darkest
hour, retains some glimmerings of the inner light which leads to truth; and
second, the courage to follow this faint light wherever it may lead. – Carl von
Clausewitz
Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value. –
Albert Einstein
Laziness is nothing
more than the habit of resting before you get tired. - Jules Renard
Never lend your car
to anyone to whom you have given birth.--Erma Bombeck
The way I see it, if you want the rainbow you gotta
put up with the rain. – Dolly Parton
You can’t start motoring up life’s road until you get
your buns in gear. – Gene Simmons
Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and
just give her a house. - Rod Stewart
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is
just having to listen to our grandparents breath through their noses
when they're eating sandwiches. -
Jim Carrey.
Anyone who has
never made a mistake has never tried anything new. – Albert Einstein
Many people die at twenty-five and aren’t buried until
they’re seventy-five. – Benjamin Franklin
I intend to live forever - so far, so good. - Steven Wright
I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bullshit. - Mel Brooks.
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups:
alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. - Alex Levine
God is a comedian
playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. - Voltaire
I have always been delighted at the prospect of a new day, a fresh try, one
more start, with perhaps a bit of magic waiting somewhere behind the morning. -
J.B. Priestly
The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar
doctrine that age brings wisdom. - H. L. Mencken
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until
you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged
woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life. - Emo
Phillips
It’s never too late
to be what you might have been. – George Eliot
"I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as
members."- Groucho Marx
There's too much tendency to attribute to God the evils that man does of his
own free will. – Agatha Christie
The invention of the teenager was a mistake. Once you identify a period of life
in which people get to stay out late but don't have to pay taxes - naturally,
no one wants to live any other way. - Judith Martin
Know thyself. Don't
accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are
wonderful.--Ann Landers
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking
we were at when we created them. – Albert Einstein
When you’re finished changing, you’re finished. –
Benjamin Franklin
The word “aerobics” came about when the gym instructors got together and said:
If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it “Jumping up and down”. -
Rita Rudner.
Human beings, who
are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others,
are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. - Douglas
Adams.
Find something you love to do and you’ll never have to work a day in your life.
– Harvey Mckay
The difference between fiction and reality is that fiction has to make sense. -
Tom Clancy.
If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either. - Dick Cavett.
Live every day as
though it is your last. Who knows? It might be! – Alexander King
Trees acquire strength by growing slowly and flexing with the pressures of
nature. Us too… - Gene Simmons
It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word. – Andrew
Jackson
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight. -
George Gobal.
Never continue in a
job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like
yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical
health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined. -
Johnny Carson
Men occasionally stumble on the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and
hurry off as if nothing had happened. – Sir Winston Churchill
You know, it's a long world. -
When
angry count four; when very angry, swear. – Mark Twain
Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do
what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep
away from children" - Author Unknown
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some
pretty good questions. – Woody Allen
Always do right;
this will gratify some people and astonish the rest.--Mark Twain
Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit
there.--Will Rogers,
One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life,
at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he
or she is. – Erma Bombeck
Children today are
tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their
teachers. - Socrates
Get the facts first. You can distort them later. – Mark Twain
If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of
television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners. – Johnny Carson
Not everything that
can be counted counts, and not everything that counts
can be counted. - Albert Einstein
The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source
of all art and science. - Albert Einstein
Human beings, vegetables, or comic dust, we all dance to a mysterious tune,
intoned in the distance by an invisible player. - Albert Einstein
Never go to a
doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
Buy land, they're not making it any more. – Mark Twain
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm
halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God.... I could be eating a
slow learner. - Lynda Montgomery
Our perception of
yesterday is the foundation for our expectations of tomorrow. – Gene Simmons
It’s hard to see your destination when you’re focused
on the cracks in the sidewalk. – Gene Simmons
When I was a kid I used to pray every
night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord doesn't work that way so
I stole one and asked Him to forgive me." – Emo
Philips
Good judgment comes
from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. - Will Rogers
If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. - Will
Rogers
There are three kinds of men. The ones that learn by reading.
The few who learn by
observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence. - Will
Rogers
The best things in
life are not things!
Red meat is NOT bad for you. Now, blue-green meat, THAT'S bad for you!--Tommy
Smothers
A good marriage can be ruined by poor communications – and by forgetting to put the lid back down. – Gene Simmons
Most folks are
about as happy as they make up their minds to be. – Abraham Lincoln
Never kick a fresh
cow pie on a hot day.--Harry S. Truman
What we have is
pretty meaningless. It’s what we are
that counts. – Gene Simmons
If a woman has to
choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose
to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base. -
Dave Barry
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. – Sir Winston Churchill
The best and safest thing is to keep a balance in your life, acknowledge the great powers around us and in us. If you can do that, and live that way, you are really a wise man. - Euripides
Very few things happen at the right time, and the rest do not happen at all. The conscientious historian will correct these defects. - Herodotus
Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television. – David Letterman
A conscience is
what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. - Steven Wright
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