Slightly Off the Beaten Path – One Man’s Opinion

 

 

 

The Myth of Total Abstinence

 

 

We humans are animals – mammals to be just a touch more precise.  As such, we’ve shown up here on earth with generally the same instincts that all the other mammals have – the main ones being of course, survival and procreation (sex).

 

I repeat – sex IS an animal instinct.  It is not just a simple urge or a depraved human craving for pleasure.  We show up on this earth with our brains pre-wired and pre-programmed to perform – and enjoy – the sexual act.  That’s very, very good!  Think about it.  How many of us would be here today if coitus (in case you’re not familiar with this term – it’s a fancy word for humping…) produced the same level of pain in the genitals as smashing your thumb with a hammer?  Close to zip I’d imagine.

 

As a result of this instinct and the feelings of pleasure associated with it, we find out at a very young age that it feels good to mess with our “private parts”.  “Tommy, if you don’t stop holding yourself, I’m going to cut it off!”  (We guys learn quickly that there are definite advantages to having an external gadget…)  “Amber, you get your hand out of there, NOW!”  Aren’t little animals cute?

 

And do things intensify as our young animals get older?  Does an elephant have a big pecker?  You know they do!  We’ve all been there.  As the hormones begin to flow, we young males and females learn more about our bodies – and find more ways to get those really, really good feelings.  And, somewhere along the line, we learn to share our bodies and our feelings.  “Ya wanna play doctor again today?”  “Watch what happens if I do this.  You can try it if you want” (he says hopefully).  “Tell ya what.  If you do that, then I’ll do this!”  OK, so the words may not have been those exact ones but the intent sure was.  Ahhhh, life is becoming more and more FUN!  Our procreative animal instincts are surging…

 

Now do you really think there’s any way in hell to turn the dial down on those instincts?  To set those sexual thermostats to a lower temperature?  Dream on!  Very early on in our teenage years – and usually much before that – we’ve all learned how to stimulate our brain’s pleasure center.  We’ve learned to REALLY like that feeling.  And by damn, we’re going to do everything we can to make sure our happy spot stays happy.  Nothing that anybody does or says is going to lessen those urges.  Nothing!

 

There are other reasons too, for our young people – or any of us for that matter – to engage in sexual activities with a partner, aren’t there?  Sometimes we just want to feel loved and because of what we may see as a lack or deprivation of love in a home environment, we look for love, as the song says, “in all the wrong places”.  We mistakenly assume that a physical act of “love” will substitute for the love we’re not feeling in our daily lives.  Some of us resort of a series of one night stands to compensate for the happy feelings that we’re not finding elsewhere.

 

Sometimes sexual activities up to and including intercourse, are an act of defiance.  A rebellion against authority or what is viewed as unfair restrictions or manipulations of our time or emotions by an authority figure.  A defiant act against those who we feel are unfairly controlling our lives.

 

Not infrequently then, sex is used as a means of either escape or entrapment.  Escape from what is viewed as an uncomfortable home life.  “If I get pregnant, then I’ll just marry Ben and I can move out of this damned house!”  Or – “If I get pregnant, then Ben will have to marry me and we can live happily ever after.”  Or – “If I get pregnant and have a baby then everyone will think that I’m really, special and I’ll get lots of attention!”  And just so you don’t think that I’m picking on our young ladies, the guys are often prompted by the very same motivations to do everything they can to impregnate their girlfriends.  Pre-pierced condoms anyone?

 

So how do we as parents and responsible adults, prevent the possibility of sexual activities by our young people – our pre-teens and teenagers?  The answer is simple.  We can’t.  Hell, we have enough trouble keeping ourselves in line.  Why would we ever believe that we have even a remote chance of controlling those young formative brains and raging hormones?  Silly us…

 

The best that we can probably ever do – in addition to providing a loving, disciplined home life complete with open, honest communications – is try to give our young people the information they can really use during these exciting but confusing years.  Here are a few suggestions:

 

1. Assuming that you’ve establish a base of open, honest communications with your child (ya really ought to do that, ya know), plan to start talking extensively about sex by the time the child is in the fourth or fifth grade.  This doesn’t need to be a complete course in reproductive physiology but it would be good to cover factually the basics of reproduction and start talking about the thoughts and emotions that will be associated with the maturing body.

 

In case anyone feels this is too soon, too early of an age, you’d better think again.  True, the “right age” will vary with the individual child and the location or environment in which the child is being raised.  If you don’t have a good handle on this, just ask any grade school teacher or playground supervisor about the kids’ preferred topics of conversation - and be prepared to face reality.  Starting discussions on sex at an early age will also help lay the groundwork for open, honest talks as your child matures and is faced with difficult situations and emotions that he or she is likely to encounter.

 

For any number of reasons, we parents may feel reluctant and perhaps even uncomfortable talking with our child about sex.  To be honest, we need to get over it.  Sex education classes in our schools should only supplement the information that we as parents have already provided – not act as the main source for information and guidance.  There are hundreds of sources we can use to help increase our comfort level with this subject.  You’ll find a couple of starting points at the end of this article.

 

2. Be as open and honest as your personality will permit.  Then go two steps beyond that.  As the situation warrants, be ready to talk about your own sexual experiences, your thoughts and emotions when you were their age.  Initially of course, the most meaningful information will pass from mother to daughter and from father to son.  But it’s important too, for our young ladies to be aware of exactly what the guys in their class are experiencing – and what they’re thinking - so dad is in an ideal position to supply this information.  Likewise, our male offspring should get the girl’s side of the picture from mom.

 

3. Stuff our kids should know:

 

Masturbation is fun and feels good so just enjoy it.  Don’t use artificial “stimulators” that can hurt you physically.  Make sure whatever you use is clean – hands, dildos, etc.  Use soap and hot water.

 

For the girls – guys just want to “get off”.  They don’t care much how.  If push comes to shove in a hot situation, you can usually count on a hand job to cool things back off fairly quickly.  If you’re primed for a little action yourself but aren’t ready to get your muff stuffed, place your partner’s hand where it will do the most good and guide him to do the things you enjoy.  He’ll like it too.  Trust me.  Also – an unprotected blow job can give you an oral STD that you won’t be happy about.  Use a condom for that too.

 

Guys – think twice about putting your tongue someplace it has never been before.  You may find something left behind by Bob, Hank, Steve, Kevin, etc. that you don’t want for dessert.

 

Always use a condom for sexual intercourse.  Always use a condom.  Always use a condom.  Always use a condom.  Did I make myself quite clear on that?  Oh yeah, make sure the condom is made of latex – the only ones that provide any level of STD protection.  Just remember however, that not even the best condoms will provide 100 percent protection against pregnancy or all sexually transmitted diseases.  If you play – you may have to pay for it later.

 

Don’t drink alcohol or do drugs.  This is good advice no matter what.  Additionally, alcohol and drugs tend to destroy any inhibitions so sex, including unprotected sex, becomes much more likely.

 

No guys, withdrawal (pulling out early before the rush) won’t prevent pregnancy. You are supposed to use a condom anyway, remember?  And stop carrying the condom in your billfold.  You’re going to wear it out (or its going to rot) before you have a chance to use it!

 

4. Parents, be sure to talk with your adolescents about all the ramifications – and substantial drawbacks – of pregnancy, having a baby and raising a child at their  young age.  Be specific.  Both our young males and females need to know exactly how this could impact their lives – both now and in the future.  Young minds have a bad habit of conjuring up “happily ever after” fantasies.  We need to make sure they get inoculated with a heavy dose of reality.

 

And don’t think for a single minute that one or two discussions on sex will take you off the hook.  Our young people need to be reminded fairly frequently of the main things they need to remember.  Condoms – STD’s – pregnancy – alcohol – drugs - condoms – STD’s – pregnancy…  and any other little thing that you feels applies to their individual situation.  Expect that somewhere down the line you’ll hear words to the effect “You’ve already told me all this!  You don’t need to tell me again!”  Your job?  Tell ‘em again – and again.  Sometimes we just need to be a pain in their little asses.  Don’t back down!  They may be pissed at you now but there’s a really good chance they’ll thank you for it later.

 

5. Parents – get smarter.  I’ve just barely scratched the surface on this subject so do some research – read up on this.  Both you and your child will be far better off for it.  Besides, it’s embarrassing for your child to know more than you do about sex.  You can start with the links below and take it from there.  Just do it…

 

 

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sex_relationships/facts/childrenandsex.htm

 

http://www.siecus.org/pubs/TalkAboutSex.pdf 

 

http://www.arhp.org/healthcareproviders/resources/rap/index.cfm

 

And - from a teenager…

 

http://www.nupathz.com/kylies_korner/View_on_Sex.htm

 

http://www.nupathz.com/kylies_korner/Sex_Makes_Its_Own_Lesson_Book.htm

 

 

 

 

 

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