Dogs and Cats
By Bret Burquest
Dogs are
extremely social animals whose psychological welfare is dependent on an
association with other dogs in a pack while following the guidance of the pack
leader. Domestic dogs rely on a human master as a surrogate pack leader.
Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend.
Cats don’t
need a pack leader to show the way. They’re self-contained units of
indifference that rely mostly on whim.
Dogs don’t
dwell on the past and give little thought to the future beyond their next meal.
They live almost exclusively in the present.
Cats don’t
dwell on anything, including the present. They live almost exclusively in a
different dimension.
Show dogs
fall into six categories, depending on their talents and lineage: sporting breeds,
hound breeds, working breeds, terrier breeds, toy breeds and non-sporting
breeds. A non-pedigree dog is called a mutt.
Show cats
fall into two categories, depending on the length of their hair: longhaired
division and shorthaired division. A non-pedigree cat is called a cat.
Dogs
perform functional tasks such as herding livestock, following scents,
retrieving game and providing protection.
Cats
perform dysfunctional tasks such as unraveling a ball of twine or chasing an
imaginary object.
Dogs can
hear frequencies up to 35,000 vibrations per second, as opposed to 20,000 in
human beings.
Cats can
hear frequencies up to the eleven dimensions of the Astral Plane, including the
Twilight Zone. They can also hear Elvis, Jimmy Hoffa and the Ghost of Christmas
Past.
Dogs have a
superior sense of smell.
Cats have a
sense of superiority.
Dogs are
eager to learn new commands. They are pleased whenever they please their human
masters.
Cats are
eager to be treated like royalty. They are pleased whenever they feel like
being pleased.
Dog people
love their canines and consider them to be members of the family. In return,
dogs love, honor and obey their human companions. It’s a lasting relationship.
Cat people
love their felines and consider them to be members of the family. In return,
cats couldn't care less. There is no relationship.
Dog people
have a psychological desire to be needed.
Cat people
have a psychological desire to be rejected.
I’m a dog
person. My current dog, Buddy Lee, is a rambunctious dude of unknown breed. I
found him in a local animal shelter. Acquiring a dog is the only opportunity a
human being ever has to choose a relative.
Taking naps
and eating are Buddy Lee's major activities. He dislikes being disturbed,
particularly by anyone knocking on the front door. We have much in common.
If you want
to be loved, get a dog.
If you want
to be ignored, get a cat.
***
Bret Burquest is an award-winning
columnist and author of four novels. Contact bret@centurytel.net
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