Random Thoughts of an Old (Weird) Geezer
Chapter 3
Cat Hair
I share the house with five cats, two dogs and three other humanoids. We moved into this house a little over five years ago. Our cats should be bald, but they’re not. From the usual amount of cat hair we sweep up daily, I’ve computed that we should have been able to completely stuff 27 good-sized pillows, two king-sized mattresses and an exercise mat. I don’t know how cats do that.
I’ve Learned to Watch
what I Eat
Until I learned how to do that about the age of three, I’d spill a lot of stuff. What a waste. I’m doing better now. I’m paying attention as the food slides onto my fork and keep an eye on it as it approaches my mouth. At some point I’ve found, it will usually disappear from view, but for the most part practice has developed enough instinctive arm and hand movement to permit the food to slip smoothly into the waiting orifice. Totally configured greasy hamburgers are occasionally an exception. Ummm…
A Related Short Poem
I eat my peas with honey.
I’ve done it all my life.
It makes the peas taste funny.
But it keeps them on my knife.
The World’s Shortest
Poem
FLEAS
Adam had ‘em.
Now that those are out of my system, I’ll move on to…
Diets
Mine. I know I’m one of the Fortunate Few who is able to eat about anything they want without piling on the pounds. I’ll chalk it up to a good metabolism – and no particular cravings for the high calorie stuff. Oh, I enjoy munching on a couple cookies now and then – or a piece of pie or cake. But I have no desire to wolf down a mega-sized candy bar or pig out on a bag of chips. My usual quick snacks will consist of a handful of mixed nuts or maybe grapes or a dried apricot. Four or five M&M’s will keep me going for a while too. Weird, huh? Yeah, my tummy is a little fluffy particularly in the winter when I’m not as active but frankly, I don’t care. I’m an old fart and don’t need to impress anyone by my manly physique – which by the way is still there only shifted slightly southward by the effects of gravity.
While I’m on the
Subject of Diets
It looks to me like a whole bunch of folks are getting all screwed up with all the diet advice that’s floating around. To me it’s fairly simple. Eat more healthy food than junk and don’t eat so much of it. Fruits, veggies, meats, pastas – it’s all OK. Our bodies know what to do with it. Fried foods included. Compensating eaters – like stress eaters or folks who munch a bunch to make up for a real or perceived lack of something in their lives – will probably need some professional help to get back on track. And yeah, I know it can get even more complicated than this but this is just a quick and dirty simplified observation. The main point is to ignore most of the “lose weight fast” diets. They’ll likely wind up just confusing your body’s metabolism and in the long run won’t be of much help. Just an opinion…
God
I don’t care too much for the type of god many folks talk about and worship. Too restricting… too judgmental… too illogical for my liking. Example – “Do as I say or you’re going to hell – and by the way, I love you!” I have problems picturing God as a single entity, too. I guess to me, “God” is more like a total of all of the intelligence, power, wisdom – and love – that exists in our universe, or all universes/dimensions for that matter. We humans don’t really know who or what “God” is. To say that we do is overly presumptuous on our part.
Religions
I don’t care much for organized religions either. (That probably came as a big surprise, huh?) Obviously, most won’t mesh smoothly with my opinion of what God might be and on top of that, there are way too many of them that are promoting their beliefs as being the ONLY true beliefs. All non-believers are going to hell or some other yucky place. To be honest, it appears that at least some religious organizations have become more tolerant of others over the past few years. Small steps in the right direction. I hope it continues.
Related to the Above…
Just so we’re clear here, I try to follow the most tolerant path I possibly can. Whatever you want to believe and are comfortable with is up to you. It seems to me that there are an unlimited number of paths for us to follow to get to wherever it is we think we need to be. If you think you need to piss on a moss-covered rock once a day to achieve your spiritual goals… go for it. Just please, try not to get fanatical about your whole “thing”. That just creates more problems than it solves. And besides, you wind up being a real pain in the ass to a whole bunch of people.
A Good
No, not me. I’m more of a shower person. Baths are for folks who don’t mind if they loll around in their own wet dirt. I prefer not to do that. I’m talking here about Sushaunna, our African Gray parrot that occupies a space about four feet away from my magic computer. Periodically (every few weeks) she will announce “good bath” and proceed to use her water bowl as if it were a large jungle fresh water puddle. Obviously, this doesn’t work real well. Even though she manages to dampen her feathers, most of the water is flung onto the paper carpet lining the bottom of her cage, the wall, the plastic mat on the floor and any critter or human that happens to saunter by during the process. She doesn’t seem to mind a bit that my job then is to put on my janitor hat and sop up the disbursed liquid, re-carpet her house and of course, refill her bath tub. Frequently she will simply give me her “you stupid human” look, do her “good belch” imitation and proceed to focus on preening her tail feathers. Actually, I don’t mind cleaning up after her. I think it’s kind of cute. But what do I know? I’m just a dumb human…
Words of Wisdom
Never meddle in the
affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup!
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