Random Thoughts of an Old (Weird) Geezer
Chapter 2
My Favorite Food
It’s… it’s… it’s… whoa, it seems I don’t have one. Guess it pretty much depends on the day and the smells that are wafting from the kitchen or restaurant. I do have a couple of not-so-desirable foods though. One is naked cottage cheese (spoiled milk). If you’ll be so kind as to hide it as a minor ingredient in your recipe, I’ll likely wolf it down without comment. The other is cooked spinach – otherwise known as ensilage. If you’re not familiar with the term “ensilage”, your neighborhood farm boy will be happy to paint you an aromatic picture. That’s about it. My taste buds have a hard time picking up the flavor of lobster (I know, my loss…) and I won’t eat foods that make me cry. Otherwise we’re good to go. Note to fancy restaurants – don’t screw with me by offering me miniscule portions of your loose definition of “food” and don’t try to impress me with the “presentation”. Half a chicken breast, two baby potatoes and three stalks of asparagus won’t hack it. If you can’t whip me up a half-pound burger with bacon and cheese – and a healthy (figuratively speaking) portion of fries for six or seven bucks, I’m outta here. Burrrrpppp…
Domestic Critters
That would mainly be like dogs and cats, OK? I used to be a dog person which I suppose comes from growing up with a dog back on the farm. Dogs are cool. They can be trained to do some reasonably fun things, they can be loyal, good companions and some of them will do a great job guarding the old homestead. I still like dogs, however in my advancing years I’ve come to have a huge appreciation for our feline companions. Truthfully, I admire their independence. Translated, this means they are generally easier to take care of which of course, means less work for me. (I’m starting to get the hang of this personal energy conservation thing.) All cats really need is a full food dish and fresh water occasionally. OK, a clean cat box may not be absolutely necessary, but I figure that in the interests of maintaining a happy home and a smiling spouse I’ll perform a short scoop-the-poop exercise at least once a day. No big deal. A couple more things. Cats don’t need to be bathed (another strange word which at the moment looks like it could be read “bat head”) nor do they ever need to be taken for a walk. In addition, I’ve grown rather fond of their periodic lap naps. My lap – their nap. At my age, anything that willingly warms my crotch is welcomed and truly appreciated. I do like cats…
Could I request at least a small acknowledgment here for my restraint in not referencing “warm pussy” in the preceding paragraph? Thank you.
One More Thing on
this…
I think there may be more to our fuzzy household friends than meets the eye. Those I’ve been around seem to have a remarkable ability to sense my moods and state of wellness. They all seem to be willing caregivers and will stick close by whenever any member of the family is not doing as well as usual. Is it possible our critters are special emissaries from the “other side” (God, heaven, the Land of Oz, whatever…) sent to be our companions, comforters and caregivers? Could be…
What Do I Know for
Sure?
Not much if anything at all. I used to think I had a pretty good handle on life and all the stuff that goes to make up this strange environment I find myself in. Over time I have learned (I think) that we are surrounded more by theories and opinions than facts. What may be blatantly obvious one day will be modified by a new insight or discovery the next. What is Truth one year is only a Partial Truth the next. It seems to make life easier. No longer is it necessary to argue over who is right and who is wrong. Discussions can be simply a sharing of opposing thoughts and opinions. Nobody wins and nobody looses. Hell, with that approach I might even learn something. Scary thought…
Cell Phones
I don’t have one and furthermore, I don’t want one. If I had one, I’d feel obligated to take it with me wherever I went. I would then be giving implied permission for anyone in the world to interrupt my tasks, train of thought or a variety of pleasant moments any time they felt like it. And since my coordination level is on a par with a duck with a broken leg any distraction could have personally negative consequences. So, thanks but no thanks. I’ll just stick with my immobile house phone.
While we’re on the subject – you’re not one of those folks who feels it’s OK to talk on the phone (or God forbid… text) and drive are you? If you are – STOP IT! You’re going to kill somebody. And if it’s me, I’m gonna be really pissed!
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