Wrapping
Presents (With a Cat)
1. Clear large
space on table for wrapping present.
2. Go to wardrobe
and collect bag in which present is contained, and close door.
3. Open door and
remove cat from wardrobe.
4. Go to cupboard
and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
5. Go back and
remove cat from cupboard.
6. Go to drawer and
collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc.
7. Lay out present
and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.
8. Go back to drawer
to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit, and
collect string.
9. Remove present
from bag.
10. Remove cat from
bag.
11. Open box to
check present, remove cat from box, replace present.
12. Lay out paper
to enable cutting to size.
13. Cut the paper
to size, trying to keep the cutting line straight.
14. Throw away
first sheet because cat tried to chase the scissors and tore the paper.
15. Cut second
sheet of paper to size by putting cat in the bag the present came out of.
16. Place present
on cut-to-size paper.
17. Lift up edges
of paper to seal in present, wonder why edges now don’t reach,
and find cat between present and paper. Remove
cat and retry.
18. Place object on
paper, to hold in place, while cutting transparent sticky tape.
19. Spend next 20
minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from cat with pair
of nail scissors.
20. Seal paper down
with transparent sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.
21. Look for roll
of ribbon; chase cat down hall and retrieve ribbon.
22. Try to wrap
present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.
23. Re-roll up
ribbon and remove paper that is now torn, due to cat’s enthusiasm in chasing
ribbon end.
24. Repeat steps
12-22 until down to last sheet of paper.
25. Decide to skip
steps 12-16 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of
paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that you know is right size for sheet of
paper.
26. Put present in
box, and tie down with string.
27. Remove string,
open box and remove cat.
28. Put all packing
materials in bag with present and head for lockable room.
29. Once inside
room, lock door and start to re-lay out packing materials.
30. Remove cat from
box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close door and re-lock.
31. Lay out last
sheet of paper. (Admittedly, this is difficult in the small area of the toilet,
but try your best!)
32. Seal box, wrap
with paper and start repairs by very carefully sealing down tears with
transparent sticky tape. Now tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide
worst affected areas.
33. Label, then sit
back and admire your handiwork, congratulating yourself on
making good of a bad job.
34. Unlock door,
and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.
35. Spend next 15
minutes looking for cat, before coming to obvious conclusion.
36. Unwrap present,
untie box and remove cat.
37. Retrieve all
discarded sheets of wrapping paper, feed cat and retire to lockable room for
last attempt, making certain you are alone and the door is locked.
38. At time of handing over present, smile sweetly at receiver’s
face, as they try and hide their contempt at being handed such a badly wrapped
present.
39. Swear to
yourself that next year you will get the store to wrap the darn thing for you.
Author Unknown
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