Some Assembly
Required
'Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house
I
searched for the tools to hand to my spouse.
Instructions
were studied and we were inspired,
In
hopes we could manage "Some Assembly Required."
The
children were quiet in their beds,
While
Dad and I faced the evening with dread:
In the
kitchen, two bikes, Barbie's town house to boot!
And,
thanks to Grandpa, a train with a toot!
We
opened the boxes, my heart skipped a beat....
Let no
pieces be missing or parts incomplete!
Too
late for last-minute returns or replacement;
If we
can't get it right, it goes down in the basement!
When
what to my worrying eyes should appear,
But 50
sheets of directions, concise, but not clear,
With
each part numbered and every slot named,
So if
there were failure, only we could be blamed.
More
rapid than eagles the parts then fell out,
All
over the flour they were scattered about.
"Now
bolt it! Now twist it! Attach it right there!
Slide
on the seats, where the metal is bare!
Hammer
the shelves, and nail to the stand."
"Honey,"
said hubby, "you just glued my hand."
And
then in a twinkling, I knew for a fact
That
all the toy dealers had indeed made a pact
To keep
parents busy all Christmas Eve night
With "assembly required" till morning's first light.
We
spoke not a word, but kept bent at our work,
Till
our eyes, they went bleary; our fingers all hurt.
The
coffee went cold and the night it wore thin
Before we attached the last rod and last pin.
Then
laying the tools away in the chest,
We fell
into bed for a well-deserved rest.
But I
said to my husband just before I passed out,
"This
will be the best Christmas, without any doubt.
Tomorrow
we'll cheer, let the holiday ring,
And not
have to run to the store for a thing!
"We
did it! We did it! The toys are all set
For the
perfect, most perfectest Christmas, I bet!"
Then
off to dreamland, at last sweet repose
I
gratefully went, although I suppose
There's
something to say for those self-deluded
I'd
forgotten that BATTERIES are never included!
Author Unknown
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