To All Women…
To all women: TAKE NOTE, SIMPLIFY YOUR LIVES
and LEAVE US ALONE ABOUT THIS STUFF!!
Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat
hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling
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Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the
hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another
man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix
these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't
know where to start." We will then drink a couple of beers
and break wind, as a form of holy communion.
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Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the
store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like
"cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the
same thing.
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Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on
taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as
much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
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Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I
watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show
looking for it . . . though one time I was able to survive by holding a
calculator. (Applies to engineers mainly.)
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Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about.
The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports or sex. I
have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
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Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come
visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I
have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to
see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
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Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances
are if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't, and if you are feeling amorous
afterwards, then I will certainly at least remember
the name and recommend it to others.
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Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what
you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is
fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine.
You look fine. Can we just go now?
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Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2007, I will share equally
in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the
vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest. Like wandering around in
the garden with a beer wondering what to do.
This has been a public service message for women to better understand men.
Author Unknown
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