Hillbilly Personal Growth Definitions

 

 

 

Personal Growth: Having to let yur belt out to the next notch.

 

 

Self-help: You gotta get off yur butt to go to the fridge to get your own beer.

 

 

Enlightenment:  Flipping on the light switch so you don’t cram yur toe when you get up at night to take a whiz.

 

 

Guru:  One of those weird African animals.

 

 

Positive Thinking:  Slipping two condoms in yur wallet before going on a date with Bobby Jo.

 

 

Motivation:  An unusual desire to take a bath before going on that date with Bobby Jo.

 

 

Success:  Actually getting to use those condoms.

 

 

Personal Development:  Cousin Betty Sue is starting to get boobs.

 

 

Positive Self-Image:  Knowing that yur not near as ugly as yur mother sez you are.

 

 

Goals:  The two tall things at both ends of the football field.

 

 

Empowerment:  Slapping a Holley double-pumper on yur Chevy 350 engine.

 

 

Inspiration:  Sweating inside yur camouflage hunting jacket.

 

 

Self-Esteem:  Getting the bathtub water way too hot.

 

 

Confidence:  Inviting all yur friends over for a fish fry – before you head out to the lake.

 

 

Affirmations:  All those pieces of concrete that are holding yur trailer house off the ground.

 

 

Accountability:  Knowing exactly how many pieces of buckshot Goober dug out of yur butt after you tried to steal Old Man Barnes’ prize rooster.

 

 

Wisdom:  Those damn teeth Doc Franks had to yank out.

 

 

Imagery:  What one of those weird cult groups do.

 

 

Anxiety:  How you feel when yur girlfriend is late for her you-know-what.

 

 

Feng Shui: One of them fancy Chinese foods.

 

 

New Age:  What you are now just after yur birthday.

 

 

Spiritual Guides:  Ushers at yur church.

 

 

Spiritual Growth:  Becoming the lead usher.

 

 

Meditation:  A religious thing… as in, during the ceremony, the preacher gave the meditation.

 

 

Anger Management:  Knowing exactly when and how yur going to whip Bubba’s ass.

 

 

Codependency:  Living together without being married.  Shacking up…

 

 

Author Unknown

 

(Look, if you honestly think I’m going to take credit for this silliness, you’re as goofy as grandma’s goat…)

 

 

 

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