Solutions to Life's 10 Biggest Problems!
Every day clients tell me about their problems, often in great detail, and I've noticed patterns that show up over and over. For many people, life’s problems are viewed as "not enough money" or "not enough time". For couples, the problems are often around "communication" or "parenting" or sex. They think if they only had more money or more time or better sex or a better job, things would be wonderful.
But it doesn’t work that way,
because these things are not the BIG PROBLEM. From my experience, I suggest
life's really big problems are:
1. Tunnel Vision. The tendency to focus only on
the immediate crisis or sore spot. Under stress, things look worse or more
complex than they really are. The solution: Perspective. Ask if it will matter
in 6 months. Ask what else is going on? How did I create this situation and, in
an ideal world, what would I like to do about it?
2. Fear. The anxiety or terror that
things will go badly, that we will fail or be embarrassed. The solution: Humor
and Curiosity. Modern life has very few saber-tooth tigers. The situation is
rarely life or death. Ask, What's the worst that can happen? What's the best?
What can I learn? What would I do if I had no fear?
3. Confusion. The sense of being lost or
unclear about our direction. The sense that we don't know our own priorities
anymore. The solution: Responsible Choices. Choose your values and priorities
and set your own path. Your life is yours. Check your moral compass, pick a
direction and do something extraordinary!
4. Guilt. The belief that we have hurt
or failed or sinned and deserve punishment. Guilt is either accurate, because
sometimes we do behave badly, or it is false and simply an illusion. The
solution: If we have transgressed, we must make restitution, ask forgiveness,
learn from our error and move on. If it is false guilt, set it down as an
unnecessary and irrational burden.
5. Shame. The belief that we are
worth-less than others, that we have a terrible, incurable flaw. It is not that
we have done something wrong (guilt), but that we are bad or wrong. The
solution: Clear, rational thinking. Everyone has behaved badly, but no one was
created badly! Any flaws only serve to make you stronger, more heroic or more
compassionate toward others.
6. Loneliness. The belief that no one loves
us, that no one cares and we must desperately cling to anyone who finds us
attractive or acceptable. This creates dependency, not intimacy. The solution:
Accurate Self-Assessment. Not everyone will love you, but many people will if
they meet you, get to know you, and spend time working/playing along side you.
7. Resentment. Holding anger and refusing to
move beyond real or imagined mistreatment in the past. Some people spend their
whole lives as "victims", nurturing a terrible event in their past.
The solution: Let go! Life is not fair and people do not always behave well or
kindly. Use your trauma to make you wise, kind, gentle, and strong. Holding
anger will not work.
8. Self-Doubt. The repeated, endless
questioning of your own abilities, opinions or actions. The inability to take a
stand, to act boldly, or to follow-through. The solution: Action! Think
clearly, then take action and follow-through. Start small, but do it! You are
the world's expert on your life! Use your wisdom to live well.
9. Stubbornness. The refusal or inability to
re-assess a situation, change your mind, or admit you were wrong. The solution:
Wisdom and Humility. Only a fool stays on a course that is headed for disaster!
Search for new and better information, remain flexible, open and creative. When
the situation changes, adjust accordingly and set a new course.
10. Addiction. Humans become addicted to
drugs, but we also become addicted to our jobs, our opinions or our lifestyle. We
can be addicted to people and need them rather than love them. The solution:
Take a vacation! Periodically, walk in someone else's shoes. Break your habits,
re-arrange your schedule, delegate those things that only you can do
"right". Use habits and traditions to set you free, don't let habits
by Philip E. Humbert. All Rights Reserved. May be freely copied and
distributed as long as you include the following information:
Written by Dr
Philip E. Humbert, author, speaker and personal success coach. Dr Humbert
has hundreds of tips, tools and articles on his website that you can use for
YOUR success! It's a great resource! And, be sure to sign up for
his FREE newsletter! Visit him on the web at: http://www.philiphumbert.com"
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