Floating
In Mindfulness: Dealing with Disappointment
By: Maya Talisman Frost
Feeling
disappointed? It's time to float.
The
time-honored approach to disappointment generally involves a fair amount of
wallowing followed by a concerted effort to move on. Okay, this can work. But a
more mindful approach includes an interim phase between these two. It's a
unique opportunity to "float".
When
things don't go our way--whether we're talking about election results, a job
interview, a proposal at work, or a relationship--we naturally feel
disappointed. We had hoped for the best, even expected the best (hey, we know
about human motivation techniques, after all) and this apparent failure hits us
pretty hard.
So, the
first step is to feel the emotion. Go ahead. Mad? Frustrated? Depressed? It's
okay to allow yourself to feel it. You can commiserate with others or wallow
alone--it's your choice.
Now, here comes
the mindfulness part:
Take
one giant step back. Step away from the swirl of thoughts and emotions and simply look
at it in a sort of interested bystander way. It's as though you have a
clipboard and you're taking note of your response.
1)
Scan your body. How
does disappointment feel physically? Is it affecting your digestion, your
sleep, your movement?
Scan
your body for pain and tightness. Notice how your forehead feels, your cheeks,
your jaw, your neck, your shoulders. Take a look at your face in a mirror. What
does disappointment look like?
Continue
to pass over your body mentally, noticing any pain, discomfort, tingling or
tightness. Be sure to check your own personal trouble spots, whether that's
your lower back, your knees, or your belly.
We tend
to develop habitual physical responses to strong emotions. Make sure you are
familiar with yours. Paying attention during mindful
moments like this is your best defense against disease. Our hot spots can teach
us a great deal, but during times of stress, we tend to focus on our thoughts
instead of our bodies. Don't miss this opportunity to learn more about yours.
2)
Scan your mind. Watch
your thoughts go by as though you are watching a parade. No need to jump on any
float as it passes. You're not the rodeo queen on a prancing horse, or the
festival princess waving to the crowd. You're a spectator. Watch.
3)
Separate. Whenever
we are disappointed, our past disappointments bubble to the surface. Things get
stirred up, and our accompanying emotion often has more to do with the
cumulative effect of our lifelong disappointments than this particular one. We
tend to catastrophize and lump it all together into
one big fat Disappointment Package.
Don't
let that happen. Look at this one incident as totally separate from the others.
Each float stands alone.
4)
Float. I call
this the "Float between Floats" approach. Now that you are watching
this parade of floats without climbing aboard any of them, turn your attention
to that brief moment between them. Sure, you know another one is coming. It's
not quite in front of you yet. There is nothing you can do but wait. No sense
spending your time or energy setting expectations that it will be spectacular.
No point in worrying that it will be disastrous. Hold that space and float in
it.
Settle into
mindful watching--of your body, your mind, and the world around you. The
ability to "Float between Floats" will provide clarity and comfort.
All things considered, it's one heckuva parade.
Maya Talisman Frost is a mind masseuse offering specialized
mindfulness training to individuals and groups in
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