Too Late to Say I Love You
By Keith Varnum
I am holding a key
and so are you.
I can open the padlock into your circle
and you can open mine.
Let us keep opening padlocks
that have been long forgotten.
Whew! I just barely survived a workshop in
After the final session of the seminar, I shuffled off to my motel room,
packed my bags for an early morning flight, and hit the sack. However, sleep
eluded me. I kept seeing the happy faces of those fortunate guys who reconciled
with their dads. I could still hear their joyous laughter as they compared
stories with each other and the group.
Memories of my father and our countless
arguments played over and over in my mind. My dad and I never spoke much about
anything, let alone affection or feelings. In anger and arrogance, the last
words I spoke to him while he was alive were “You’ll find out!” Some send-off I
And his last words to me were the same:
“You’ll find out!” That one phrase was our central conversation. For twenty
years, our main communication to each other was that the other one would find
out he was wrong—about whatever topic we disagreed, about life in general, about
everything! I winced at our voices of anger reverberating through my mind and
then cut off by the abrupt slam of a door—his death. Yes, it was too late for
me. Finally, unable to shake the feeling of hopelessness and self-judgment to
find solace in sleep, I dressed and left my motel room for a late night walk.
Shoulders hunched, eyes staring at the
pavement below my feet, I took a sorry stroll through dark and empty streets.
I’d been wandering aimlessly for some time
when, through my self-absorbed despair, I noticed a faint, yet definite
glow of golden light around the manhole covers I’d been passing over. I
examined each lid I came upon, but could not discover the source of the soft,
In my understanding of the world, abnormalities—such as this faint
shimmer—in my “normal environment” are never an accident. These irregularities
in the “expected picture” are usually my spirit’s way of trying to get my
attention. This signal means my inner coach has a message for me and wants me
to listen up. It’s like “You’ve got mail!” on the
computer. This particular sign of a soft glow is familiar to me. A faint
radiance has been one of my soul’s principal devices to attract my attention
and get me to go inside to check in with my intuition concerning the situation.
So, when I got back to the quiet of my motel
room, I did a quick meditation to see what message was waiting for me. My inner
voice answered immediately, “Look more closely at the manhole covers.” I
recalled the metal lids in my mind. After concentrating for a few moments, I
saw they were all engraved with the same large words. The inscriptions read:
“Salt River Project.” This is the utility company in which my father had left a
sizable trust for my brother and me. As I contemplated this connection to my
father and his generous gift to us, I detected another muted, golden glow
emanating from the corner of the bedroom.
I turned to face the light and gasped.
Standing by the wall stood my father in spirit form! The apparition was so real
I almost evoked the courage to reach out and touch his hand. Twenty years of
intense, backed-up emotion rushed like an express train through my being. I was
relieved when he began to speak:
“Son, I’m sorry I
wasn’t able to help you with emotional or spiritual affairs while we were
together on Earth. I couldn’t assist you with those aspects of life, because I
couldn’t help myself in those areas when I was alive. I did share with you
everything I knew of the material, financial, political and social worlds. That
was all I’d mastered. Please forgive me for not helping you with your feelings
or spirituality. I am moving on now, Keith. I came to say good-bye and tell you
this man Lester is in your life to assist you with
your emotional and soul concerns. Trust him. Spend time with him. Open to him
in the way we could never open to each other on Earth. I love you, Son.
Sobbing with joy and relief, I blurted out,
“Thank you, Dad. I love you. I understand. I love you.”
I was graced with the opportunity to tell my
father that I loved him fervently. I also
asked him to forgive me for being such a rebellious, ungrateful son. By
the time he said his final farewell, we each knew the other was very sorry. We
also totally forgave ourselves, as well as each other. In the end, I recognized
there was nothing to forgive for either of us. We gave to each other all we had
available at the time to give. I slept more peacefully and fulfilled that night
than I’d ever slept before in my life.
In retrospect, I now laugh at the universe’s
sense of humor. The sharp, attacking words my father and I so loved to throw at
each other were more accurate and prophetic than we could ever have imagined.
“You’ll find out!” had a hidden soul message for both of us. We each did eventually “find out!” Although neither of
us was consciously aware of it, we were both foretelling our eventual spiritual
understanding of life and of our true connection with each other.
I also found out—to my
eternal delight—that it’s never too late to say, “I love you.”
This true story is an excerpt from Keith’s latest
book, Inner Coach: Outer Power:
stories reveal the amazing creative powers within you that can heal your body,
expand your heart, and attract phenomenal abundance into your life. Fresh and
captivating, Keith shows you the practical, everyday use of levitation,
alchemy, multi-dimensional travel, near-death experiences, out-of-body journeys,
parallel realities and time-tripping. Spiritual teachers unveil their secrets
to happiness. Ancient shamans impart how to manifest an easy flow of money.
Angels illustrate how to heal the body instantly. Nature devas
share keys to attracting soulmates. Spirit guides
demonstrate how they can save your life in a crisis. Using his vast exploration
as a healer, mystic, acupuncturist, urban shaman, filmmaker, personal coach,
and seminar leader, Keith helps you become a real Miracle Maker!
Keith Varnum has 30 years of practical success as an author, accupuncturist, personal coach, filmmaker, vision quest
guide and international seminar leader, and is the owner of http://www.TheDream.com
– Your affordable source for self improvement and self help books &
the path for personal motivation, growth and development
= TAKING THE STEPS TO DO THE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO!