New Year’s Resolutions You Can Keep

 

 

 

Are you tired of making the same resolutions year after year that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you can actually accomplish? Here are some resolutions that you can use as a starting point:

1. Gain weight.

2. Exercise less.

3. Read less.

4. Watch more TV.

5. Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.

6. Not date any super models or sports celebrities.

7. Spend more time at work surfing the Web.

8. Check out the motor oil display at WalMart.

9. Not vacation in
Ajo, Arizona.  (That’s pronounced “ah’–ho” folks… and no, there’s nothing wrong with Ajo.  Some very nice people live there!)

10. Not pack a smoked possum sandwich in your lunch.

11. Not have eight children at once.

12. Fall asleep periodically in the recliner or on the couch.

13. Start being superstitious by refusing to say the word “flatus”.

14. Eat fast food at least once.

15. Not wrestle with Hulk Hogan.


16. Purchase something with a credit card.

17. Drink an alcoholic beverage.

18. Not purchase a python for a pet.

19. Eat a gigantic hamburger… with fries.

20. Watch a reality show on TV.


21. Say a curse word out loud.


22. Not eat cloned meat.

23. Develop one more bad habit.

24. Get another toy.

25. Forward a dumb e-mail joke.

26. Not believe politicians.

27. Break at least one traffic law.

28. Not drive a motorized vehicle onto a frozen lake.

29. Avoid transmission of inter-species diseases.

30. Avoid riding in airplanes piloted by anyone named Bubba.


31. Stay off the space station.

32. Enter a contest to try to win lots of money.

33. Belch in a public place.

34. Not swim with piranhas or sharks.

35. Talk to an animal.

36. Lose something.

37. Smile at a good-looking babe or hunk in public place.


38. Think of something related to sex (refer to number 37 if necessary…)

39. Count your toes

40. Never make New Year's resolutions again.

 

Based on an Internet published work by an unknown author

 

I hope this has been helpful to you…

 

 

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