30 Excuses for Being Late to (or Absent from) Work
*Excerpts from “Work Excuses” at The Mother of all
1. I won't be in today. My fish is sick and I need to take it to the vet.
2. I'll be late because I'm having car trouble. The trouble is that I'm not in it yet.
3. I won't be in today because I have come down with Spring Fever.
4. Last night we had a party and I woke up with a strange man in my bed!
5. My car ran out of gas on the way to work. I was pushing it to a gas station and I got a stomach hernia and I have to go to the doctors.
6. My boyfriend can't come to work, today. He's sick and has 111 degree temperature
7. My boyfriend hit me over the head with a speaker and I'm kind of messed up.
8. My sister stole my money and I am out looking for her.
9. I won't be able to come in today. It seems that I have some unknown contagious disease; but I'll be fine on Monday"
10. I can't come into work today because of eye trouble.... I can't see working today.
11. When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.
12. I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at Wal-Mart.
13. I have a boil on the hair line of my pubic hair and it is sore.
14. I'm not going to work today. I spent my paycheck on lottery tickets, and I'm out of gas 'till payday.
15. Please excuse Henry for being late. He was stuck in the bathroom without any toilet paper.
16. My wife's breasts are sore after her breast enlargement so I need to stay home and massage her tits.
17. The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.
18. I won’t be in to work today. My girlfriend’s husband’s dying and I have to be there to console her.
19. I'm sorry I was late for work, but when I was getting ready to brush my teeth I squeezed too much toothpaste out of the tube and it took me a long time to get it all back in.
20. I went to a party on Saturday and met a girl, we've been in bed ever since. I'm getting tired now and will be at work in an hour or so.
21. I can't come into work today. There is a cat sitting on the fence outside my door and he won't let me out. It looks like he will attack me if I go outside!
22. Sorry Boss I can't come into work today...my spirit guide says work is for losers!
23. There has been an urgent family emergency, which I can't talk about lest I endanger any innocent bystanders.
24. I sprained my wrist cooking dinner in the microwave last nite.
25. I won't be in today....my hair wont start.
26. Sorry I did not show up yesterday, I locked myself in the bathroom.
27. I won't be able to come to work next week. We’re trying for a baby and the doc says next week is the best chance.
28. I won't be in today because I can't find my clothes.
29. I was late for work because the night before my boyfriend and I were having sex and he decided to handcuff me to the bedpost and he forgot to bring the key so I had to wait till he came back with it and it was late the next day. He loved it ...I did for awhile...
30. I won't be in to work today. My brain is full.
For hundreds (and maybe hundreds & hundreds) of all kinds of excuses, visit The Mother of All Excuses Place at http://madtbone.tripod.com/ You never know, some of them might come in handy sometime…
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