A Few Quickies…
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex,
marriage, and values.
Stu said, "I didn't sleep
with my wife before we got married, Did you?"
Leroy replied, "I'm not sure. What
was her maiden name?"
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A little boy went up to his father and asked, "Dad,
where did all of my intelligence come from?"
The father replied, "Well son, you must have got it from your mother, ‘cause I still have mine."
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Two second-graders are arguing over whose father is the biggest scaredy-cat.
The first kid says, "My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes, he
hides underneath the bed."
The second kid replies, "Yeah? Well, that's nothing. My dad is so scared that when my mom has to
work the nightshift, he sleeps with the lady next door."
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"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,"
the Divorce Court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a
week."
"That's very fair, your honor," the husband said.
"And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor. With some hesitation,
they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health,
they were concerned about his rather small penis.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, "Just feed him
pancakes. That should solve the problem."
The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of
warm pancakes in the middle of the table. "Gee, Mom," he exclaimed. "For me?"
"Just take two," Brenda replied. "The rest are for your
father."
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A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said,
"I don't like the looks of your wife at all."
"Me neither doc," said the husband. "But
she's a great cook and really good with the kids."
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This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a
blonde wearing the tightest pants he's ever seen. Finally his curiosity gets
the best of him, so he walks over and asks, "How do you get into those
pants?"
The young woman looks him over and replies, "Well, you could start by
buying me a drink."
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A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how
he is feeling.
"I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in
surgery," he answered.
"What did he say?" asked the nurse.
"OOPS!"
------------------------------------------------------------------
Grandpa was driving with his 9 year old granddaughter and
beeped the horn by mistake. She turned and looked at him for an explanation.
He said, "I did that by accident."
She replied, "I know that, Grandpa."
He replied, "How did you know?"
She said, "Because you didn't say ‘asshole’ afterwards…”
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