Finding
Yourself: Finding Passion Series - 1 of 3
by: Skye Thomas
We have been told that the
things we don't like in our children are the same things we don't like in
ourselves. We are told that we project our own flaws and issues onto our
perceived enemies in an attempt to work them out within ourselves. We
stereotype people according to who they hang out with. Birds of a feather flock
together. We're attracted to people like ourselves, with the same flaws.
To carry the concept further,
those traits and attributes that we admire in our heroes are within us. Just as
with our flaws, we are simply projecting our virtues onto others in an attempt
to work them out within ourselves. We are attracted to certain people because
they reflect our own aspects back at us. What's that mean?
Let's start with an exercise.
Without regards to a persons looks or what they do for a living, think about
the people that you've admired in your life. On a piece of paper, write down a
list of people that have inspired you. Who has touched your heart? Who were
your heroes? Make it as long or as short as you like. Which teachers, athletes,
movie characters, and politicians have motivated you? Who makes your heart feel
warm and enthusiastic?
When you've finished writing
down your list of heroes, shift gears and think about the traits they have that
you admire so much. Are they compassionate, steadfast, loyal, happy,
determined, or laidback? Go through each person on your list one at a time and
spend some time thinking about their virtues. What makes them so special that
you put them on your list of heroes? As you reflect on these people and their
attributes, list the various traits on a separate piece of paper. Place check
marks beside those that get more than one 'vote.'
My lists looked like this:
Mother
Daughter
Son
Victoria (minister)
Jennifer (best friend)
Jon (doctor friend)
Mother Teresa
Princess Diana
Daniel (musician friend)
Simone (artist friend)
Vivian Leigh
Ron (director friend)
Albert Einstein
No
worries about money ////////
Giving //////////
Kindness //////////
Loyal ///////
Joyful attitude //////
Self-confidence ///////
Intelligence //////////
Sense of humor ///////
Follows dreams /////////
Believes in "the Force" ///////////
Not a quitter //////////
After you've written your two
lists, sit with them for a while and reflect on the possibility that those
traits on your list might actually be present inside you. The reason you love
them so much in others is because it's a piece of yourself that you're
connecting to. If you were living up to your full potential, wouldn't you be a
lot more like the people you admire? Is it hard to believe that the things on
your list could possibly be the greatness in yourself? Ask some caring
relatives or friends to look over your list and see if it matches their image
of you. I think you'll be surprised.
When I did this exercise back in
1998, I had my children do it too. We sat around the kitchen table and did it
together as a family activity. My daughter was eight years old at the time and
found that she is "giggly, nice, giving, kind, a great friend, smart,
funny, and loving." She already knew that, but enjoyed the confirmation.
My son suffered a lot of emotional insecurities at the time because he'd been
misdiagnosed as having Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. He was shocked
to find that he is "nice follows dreams, strong, giving, active, fast,
smart, playful, loving, funny, believes in 'the Force,' laughfull, fun, and
brave." I had been telling him for years that he possessed those qualities
but he thought I was prejudice because I'm his mom. He began making a huge turn
around in his emotional well-being by acknowledging these wonderful traits
within himself. I found the strength to start my own business and to finally
pursue a career as a motivational speaker and writer.
At the time, it was pretty easy
to tell myself that I am giving, kind, loyal, intelligent, and believe in 'the
Force.' On the other hand, I really struggled with the concepts that I had no worries
about money, a joyful attitude, self-confidence, and a sense of humor. I wanted
desperately to be like that, but I didn't think I really followed dreams and I
wasn't too sure that I wasn't a quitter after all. Over the years, I have
learned many lessons and have experienced enough of the truth of this to know
that yes I am exactly those things on that list. I have also learned that the
things I most despised in others was indeed the things I wanted to work on in
myself. The rule really does apply in both directions.
As I've been writing this
article, I've been thinking about what it would be like to re-do the exercise
now. Would my children's lists be different? Would mine? I think my children's
lists would reflect a more adult perspective, but I think they'd still show
most of the same traits. I might add some new names to my list, but I suspect
that I would come up with a very similar list of traits. We might uncover more
traits, but I doubt that we'd remove any. It's most likely that the traits follow
us throughout our lives. It reminds me of that old saying, "wherever you
go, there you are."
In finding our good traits, we
uncover our true potential. We have something to live up to. We can measure our
conduct and choices against the list. How much of our inner-struggle, like my
son's, comes from not realizing our gifts? How much comes from realizing our
potential and not living up to it? How much easier is life when we are behaving
in accordance with our list of virtues? How much better do we feel about
ourselves? How much better do others treat us when we live by these traits?
Copyright 2003, Skye Thomas,
Tomorrow's Edge
About The Author
Skye Thomas began writing
books and articles with an everyday practical approach to life in 1999 after
twenty years of studying spirituality, metaphysics, astrology, personal
growth, motivation, and parenting. After years of high heels and business
clothes, she is currently enjoying working from home in her pajamas. Go to www.TomorrowsEdge.net to read more of her articles and to
get a free preview of one of her books.
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