Who Needs Heroes?
by:
Graham and Julie
When we
were talking the other day we started to think about our heroes when we were
young. After we had discussed the usual film star and sports stars that we idolised I remembered Derek. Derek was a couple of years
ahead of me in school and he had everything; he always got straight ‘A’s’ and
was formidable on the football field as well as one of the fastest over 100 metres. What’s more he didn’t appear to work at it. When
the rest of us were ‘slaving’ away at our homework or sweating buckets trying
to impress on the football field or athletics track he just turned up and got
on with it. A natural, was how one of our teachers described him.
Natural
or hero, Derek caused me and others a lot of pain. His skills and our hero
worship caused us to begin the ‘beating yourself up’ process. You know the;
‘I’m not good enough’. ‘If only I could do that’.’ I couldn’t possibly do
that’. The self defeating traits of inadequacy, insecurity and worthlessness
and constant comparison with others all started here. With Derek, we started
the comparison programme.
Comparison
is just another name for subservience. When you compare yourself to someone you
are really accepting that you are impressed by them, you want them to influence
your life and are willingly bowing down to their perceived skills and
abilities. The problem with subservience is that you can never be free. It
takes away all your happiness and power. You end up confused and wilting like a
flower.
The
fact is comparing yourself with others not only stops you from being
successful, it’s destructive. As, Elizabeth Fisher an American author, stated;
‘comparison is a death knell to sibling harmony’.
Suggesting
that the minute you compare yourself with anybody the relationship is always
going to be powerless. Because you are now in a subservient
relationship.
The
truth is that only prices, products and stores can be compared. Not people. You
can compare key data any product, price or service. So when you compare yourself
with others are you a product, price or service?
Remember
those essays from school and university where you were always asked to compare
and contrast something with the aim of showing the similarities and differences
of an argument etc. But how do you do this with people? What is being compared
or contrasted? How are people similar? Height, weight, age, the clothes they
wear, walk, where they live, the cars they drive, their salary, their
achievements, their views ?
Do you
compare yourself with others?
Who do
you compare yourself with?
What
are the attributes you compare?
Are you
comparing like with like?
You can
compare males and females and they way they perform tasks, parents against
children, different age groups. You can compare how your opinions are similar
or different. But the best you can get is that you are mostly similar or mostly
different. What about jealousy? How do you measure that?
You can
compare products with different versions. But people? How do you compare
yourself with your parents or grandparents? You could be like Shakespeare and
compare yourself against nature i.e. beauty with day and night. But not compare
one person against another.
Comparing
yourself with others is like putting yourself in a prison. A
prison which can only bring pain. A prison that stops
you from experiencing your true talents. No one puts you in this prison,
you do it all by yourself. You simply learn, as I did, not to accept yourself
and reject who you really are in favour for what you
perceive another person has. In other words you give yourself a hard time and
delay your own growth because you thought the other person was better than you.
Trust yourself, you have all the skills you need to succeed. All
you need is a change of process.
Stop judging
yourself. Instead of comparing yourself with others, subverting your own power
and constantly under performing; focus on your potential. What you want to be.
Meditate
on where you want to be.
Imagine
yourself achieving your potential. What does it look like, what does it feel
like.
Surround
yourself with images and artefacts depicting the
future you and gradually, you will become what you always wanted to be.
The
more you believe in your capabilities the more your behaviour
will change. Access the hidden skills you have. Trust in yourself. You have far
more skills and abilities than you are using at present.
If you
have heroes then beware you could be taking away your skills, your
individualism and making yourself subservient for the rest of your life. In
which case who needs heroes?
Graham and Julie
www.desktop-meditation.com.
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