You Might be a Redneck if…
You have more than two relatives named "Bubba" or
"Junior".
You think the stock market has a fence around it.
Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission
so I can take a bath."
You have every episode of Hee-Haw
on tape.
You own more than three shirts with the sleeves cut off.
Your entire family sat around waiting for a call from the
governor to spare a loved one.
There are more than five McDonald's bags currently on the
floorboard of your car.
Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene
concerns.
You had a toothpick in your mouth when your wedding pictures
were taken.
The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.
Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick
during Christmas dinner.
You've ever cleaned fish in your living room.
You've ever stolen toilet paper.
You've ever had to scratch your sister’s name out of a
message that begins, "For a good time call...."
You cut your toenails in front of company.
Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos".
Your pocket knife often doubles as a toothpick.
You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.
You've ever financed a tattoo.
You refer to the time you won a free case of motor oil as
"the day my ship came in."
Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.
You have a Hefty Bag for a passenger-side window.
You've been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
You own a denim leisure suit.
You bought a VCR because wrestling is on while you're at
work.
You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
You own a 3 pound belt buckle.
You view the upcoming family reunion as a chance to meet
women.
Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight
Drive-in Theater.
Even though I have seen these scattered around the Internet with no credits provided, I would imagine that many, if not most of them can be attributed to Jeff Foxworthy. Heck, they might have been snagged right out of his book “You might be a Redneck if…” I dunno. Even if he isn’t totally responsible, let’s blame him anyway. And if you have a minute or two, why don’t you pop into his official website at http://www.jefffoxworthy.com/homepage.shtml and snoop around a bit. Just tell him Gene sent you…
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