Things a Redneck Will Never Say

I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.

Duct tape won’t fix that.

Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan.

Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken.

We don’t keep firearms in this house.

Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?

You can’t feed that to the dog.

I thought Graceland was tacky.

No kids in the back of the pickup, it’s just not safe.

Wrestling’s fake.

Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

We’re vegetarians.

Do you think my gut is too big?

I’ll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.

Honey, we don’t need another dog.

Who gives a crap who won the Civil War?

Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

Too many deer heads detract from the decor.

Spitting is such a nasty habit.

I just couldn’t find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

Checkmate.

She’s too young to be wearing a bikini.

Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?

Hey, here’s an episode of “Hee Haw” that we haven’t seen.

I don’t have a favorite college team.

Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.

You ALL.

Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.

Nope, no more for me. I’m driving tonight.

Author/creator/originator unknown…

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