The Bonus Question
The following is reportedly an actual question given on a
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using
Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some
variant. One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to
know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they
are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell,
it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the
different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions
state that if you are not a member
of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions
and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that
all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the
number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law
states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same,
the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell,
then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks
loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then
the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman
year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you”, and
take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must
be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen
over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over,
it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...
leaving only Heaven and thereby proving the existence of a divine being which
explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting, "Oh my God!”
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"
(Psst…. In case you haven’t figured it out, this is just a bit of creative writing. It apparently first popped up on the internet in a somewhat shorter form a few years ago.)
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