The Differences between the “North” and
the “South”
Information and
advice for Northerners planning on resettling in the “South”.
Subject: South vs. North
The North has
coffee houses. The South has Waffle Houses
The North has dating services. The South has family reunions.
The North has switchblade knives. The South has Lee Press-on Nails
The North has double last names. The South has double first names.
The North has Indy car races. The South has stock car races.
The North has Cream of Wheat. The South has grits.
The North has green salads. The South has collard greens
The North has lobsters. The South has crawdads.
The North has the rust belt. The South has the Bible belt.
FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH…
In the South: If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Two men in a four-wheel
drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help
them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. Do not buy food at this store.
Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and
"all y'all's" is plural possessive.
Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"
Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.
Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand
you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted
Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or big'ol"
boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of
them are in denial about it.
The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
Be advised that "He needed killin" is a valid defense here.
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you
should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever
say.
If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation
of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything
or not. You just have to go there.
Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own shotguns, they are
proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.
In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to
pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.
If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them
as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call
'em biscuits.
Author Unknown
BONUS: The very best “Country” song ever written -
http://denimandlace.50megs.com:80/1bigone.html OK, so
maybe it isn’t the “best”, but I like it.
Yeah, I know… I’m weird – but you knew that already, didn’t you?
NuPathz
Home
Back to Still More Odds ‘N Ends
NuPathz.com
– Your affordable source for self improvement and self help books &
materials
Illuminating
the path for personal motivation, growth and development
SUCCESS
= TAKING THE STEPS TO DO THE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO!