More Elderly Stories
Older
folks can be wonderful, fascinating individuals. I think it’s especially interesting how the
deteriorating connections in the aging brain can produce some really creative
(or off-the-wall) perspectives and responses to situations. For those of you who have experienced this
with parents or older acquaintances, here are a few more stories you can
probably relate to…
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf
one fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"
"No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday."
And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer!"
*************************************************
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex." She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex"
He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."
********************************************************
80-year old Bessie bursts into the recreation room at the
retirement home.
She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can
guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!"
An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?"
Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough!"
********************************************
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.
Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.
Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play
cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said,
"Now don't get mad at me I know we've been friends for a long time ...but
I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember
it. Please tell me what your name is."
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
********************************************
An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying. A
policeman noticed this and asked him why he was crying.
"Well," says the old fellow, "I just got married to a
twenty-five year old woman. Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast,
and then we have fun together laughing and relaxing. In the afternoon she makes
me a wonderful lunch and then we make fun together laughing and relaxing again.
At dinner time she makes me a wonderful supper and then we relax more and enjoy
ourselves."
The policeman looks at the old man and says, "You shouldn't be crying! You
should be the happiest man in the world!"
So the old man says, "I know! I'm crying because I don't remember where I
live!"
*************************************
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!"
"Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
**************************************
Two elderly women
were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed
something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, '"Mabel, do you know
you've got a suppository in your left ear?"
Mabel answered,
"I have a suppository in my ear?" She pulled it out and stared
at it.
Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I
know where to find my hearing aid."
************************************************************
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light."
After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, crap, am I driving?"
Author/Originator Unknown
On a more serious note - if you or someone you know is losing those abilities (focus, reflexes, etc.) that are required to drive safely, please take whatever steps are needed to identify alternate means of transportation. It could be a matter of life or death…
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