In the Battle of the Sexes - Men’s Rules for Women
Breasts
are for looking at and that’s what we do.
Don’t try to change that.
Learn
to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it
up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Shopping
is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
Crying
is blackmail.
Ask
for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
Yes
and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Come
to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy
is what your girlfriends are for.
A
headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
Anything
we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments
become null and void after 7 days.
If
you won't dress like the
If
you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
If
something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you
sad or angry, we meant the other one.
You
can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If
you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
Whenever
possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Christopher
Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
If
it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
If
we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong.
We
know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle
If
you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want
to hear.
When
we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
Don't
ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics
as sex, sports or cars
You
have enough clothes.
You
have too many shoes.
I
am in shape. Round is a shape.
Thank
you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but
did you know men really don't mind that - it's like camping.
Author Unknown… and presumably still sleeping on the couch…
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