Medical
Record Humor
The following
are supposedly excerpts from actual medical records:
When she fainted,
her eyes rolled around the room.
By the time he was
admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
Patient has chest
pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
On the second day
the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
The patient has
been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
Patient was
released to outpatient department without dressing.
The patient is
tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
Discharge status:
Alive but without permission.
The patient will
need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.
Healthy appearing decrepit
69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
The patient refused
an autopsy.
The patient has no
past history of suicides.
The patient expired
on the floor uneventfully.
Patient has left
his white blood cells at another hospital.
The patient's past
medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight
gain in the past three days.
She slipped on the
ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
The patient was in
his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
She is numb from
her toes down.
The skin was moist
and dry.
Occasional,
constant, infrequent headaches.
Coming from
Patient was alert
and unresponsive.
She has
had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed
last night.
Patient
had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
Since
she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her
up.
While
in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
She
stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a
divorce.
Both
breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
Between
you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
Exam of
genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
The lab
test indicated abnormal lover function.
The
patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker
instead.
The
pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.
Patient
was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen
and I agree.
Patient
has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
NuPathz Home Back to More Odds 'N Ends
NuPathz.com
– Your affordable source for self improvement and self help books &
materials
Illuminating
the path for personal motivation, growth and development
SUCCESS
= TAKING THE STEPS TO DO THE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO!