Government Liquor Warning

 

 

 

I understand there is a possibility that liquor manufacturers have accepted the Government's suggestion that the following warning label be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:

 

 

WARNING - THE CONSUMPTION OF ALCOHOL MAY:

 

Leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties

 

Make you think you are whispering when you are not.

Influence you to dance like a retard.

 

Cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

 

Cause you to think you can sing.

 

Lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

 

Make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

 

Create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

 

Lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

 

Cause pregnancy.

 

Lead you to believe you are invisible.

 

Cause a disturbance in the time-space continuum, leaving you unable to account for large chunks of time.

 

Make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.

 

Cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary.

 

Cause otherwise inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees and lower back.

 

 

Author/Originator Unknown

 

(I really don’t need to tell you to drink responsibly, do I?  Nah, I didn’t think so…)

 

 

 

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