In an effort to
improve interpersonal relationships (and being the extremely helpful person
that I am) here’s one more version of a handy questionnaire you can copy and
e-mail out to your Internet friends to solidify new - or renew old -
acquaintances…
1. What year is it? Are you sure?
2. The name you
normally give to idiots at the bar:
3. Name as it
appears on your primary false ID:
4. Other
alias(s):
5. Would you
rather be taller or have a bigger body part? Which part?
6. What African
animal would you like to have as a pet?
7. How old
would you really like your significant other to be?
8. Favorite
tattoo – on anyone:
9. Last
alcoholic drink that made you barf:
10. If you see
a grenade on the ground do you pick it up?
11. Who in your
life would you like to choke?
12. Have you
ever loved someone as much as your hunting dog?
13. Ever crash
your four-wheeler into a tree? Did you survive?
14. Do you
prefer rhubarb or black-eyed peas?
15. Day of the
week you can spell without cheating:
16. Favorite
cuss word or phrase:
17. Favorite
strip joint(s):
18. Favorite
dancer (and why?):
19. Like auto
racing or not? If not – why not?
20. Favorite
desert (cake or pie):
21. Favorite
nonalcoholic drink (may not apply):
22. Prefer
movies from Disney or Bare-Naked Productions?
23. Favorite
greasy spoon restaurant:
24. Original
color of your bedroom carpet (check under the dog hair):
25. How many
times did you tell your last driver’s test examiner to screw off?
26. What porn
site did you get your last e-mail from?
27. Which store
would you choose most often to rob?
28. What body
part do you do most often scratch when you are bored?
29. Do you buy
Playboy™ (or Playgirl™) for the pictures or the articles?
30. What time
of day do you usually pass out?
31. Who do you
know that would be able to pronounce all the words in this e-mail:
32. Who is the
person you could send this to that is least likely to be able to read?
33. Best
friend(s) who are most likely to jerk their hind leg when you scratch their
ear:
34. Last
person(s) who farted in your presence:
35. Do you own
a late model vehicle (made after 1978)?
36. Pickup or
car (if not pickup, why not?):
37. Favorite
bathroom smell:
38. Last time
you read this much without a pee break:
Directions: Now, here's what you're really supposed to do... Do not actually
answer the above questions. Your answers may be used against you in a court of
law. Do not send this to anyone. They will think you’re really weird and will
probably never speak to you again. (You may of course, sent it to the person
you would most like to choke.) And never, never send this
back to the person who sent it to you. Doing so will cause your screen
saver to permanently display a photo of Michael Jackson and Miss Piggy
in a disgustingly compromising position. In fact, you should probably just
delete this right now. Well – what are you waiting for…?
NuPathz.com
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