Get to Know Your Friends Better!


In an effort to improve interpersonal relationships (and being the extremely helpful person that I am) here’s one more version of a handy questionnaire you can copy and e-mail out to your Internet friends to solidify new - or renew old - acquaintances…

1. What year is it? Are you sure?

2. The name you normally give to idiots at the bar:

3. Name as it appears on your primary false ID:

4. Other alias(s):

5. Would you rather be taller or have a bigger body part? Which part?

6. What African animal would you like to have as a pet?

7. How old would you really like your significant other to be?

8. Favorite tattoo – on anyone:

9. Last alcoholic drink that made you barf:

10. If you see a grenade on the ground do you pick it up?

11. Who in your life would you like to choke?

12. Have you ever loved someone as much as your hunting dog?

13. Ever crash your four-wheeler into a tree? Did you survive?

14. Do you prefer rhubarb or black-eyed peas?

15. Day of the week you can spell without cheating:

16. Favorite cuss word or phrase:

17. Favorite strip joint(s):

18. Favorite dancer (and why?):

19. Like auto racing or not? If not – why not?

20. Favorite desert (cake or pie):

21. Favorite nonalcoholic drink (may not apply):

22. Prefer movies from Disney or Bare-Naked Productions?

23. Favorite greasy spoon restaurant:

24. Original color of your bedroom carpet (check under the dog hair):

25. How many times did you tell your last driver’s test examiner to screw off?

26. What porn site did you get your last e-mail from?

27. Which store would you choose most often to rob?

28. What body part do you do most often scratch when you are bored?

29. Do you buy Playboy™ (or Playgirl™) for the pictures or the articles?

30. What time of day do you usually pass out?

31. Who do you know that would be able to pronounce all the words in this e-mail:

32. Who is the person you could send this to that is least likely to be able to read?

33. Best friend(s) who are most likely to jerk their hind leg when you scratch their ear:

34. Last person(s) who farted in your presence:

35. Do you own a late model vehicle (made after 1978)?

36. Pickup or car (if not pickup, why not?):

37. Favorite bathroom smell:

38. Last time you read this much without a pee break:

Directions: Now, here's what you're really supposed to do... Do not actually answer the above questions. Your answers may be used against you in a court of law. Do not send this to anyone. They will think you’re really weird and will probably never speak to you again. (You may of course, sent it to the person you would most like to choke.) And never, never send this back to the person who sent it to you. Doing so will cause your screen saver to permanently display a photo of Michael Jackson and Miss Piggy in a disgustingly compromising position. In fact, you should probably just delete this right now. Well – what are you waiting for…?


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