Elderly
Stories
Older
folks can be wonderful, fascinating individuals. I think it’s especially interesting how the
deteriorating connections in the aging brain can produce some really creative
(or off-the-wall) perspectives and responses to situations. For those of you who have experienced this
with parents or older acquaintances, here are a few stories you can probably
relate to…
An elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed, hair well groomed,
great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a good
after shave, presenting a well looked after image, walks into
an upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly
looking lady, (mid eighties).
The
gentleman walks over, sits along side of her, orders a drink, takes a
sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"
********************************
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set
of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly
gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said,
"Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you
can hear again."
The
gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit
around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three
times!"
**********************************************
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench
under a tree when one turns to the other and says . . . "Slim, I'm 83
years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're
about my age. How do you feel?"
Slim
says, "I feel just like a
new-born baby."
"Really!? Like a new-born baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.”
*******************************************************
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating,
the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were
talking and one said, "Last night we went out to a
new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very
highly."
The
other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
The
first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of
that flower you give to someone you love? You know... the one that's red
and has thorns."
"Do
you mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's
the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and
yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last
night?"
*******************************************************************
Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged.
However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly
gentleman--already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at
his feet--who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to
the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
"I don't
know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing
out of her hospital gown.”
***************************************************
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car had been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.
The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."
A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."
*************************************************
Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96
year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other
sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up
and see." She starts up the
stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?"
The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood."
She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as
soon as I see who's at the door."
Makes you wonder what we’ll be like in our twilight years, doesn’t it?
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