Deep Thoughts from Kids
When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again. But he better have
lost the nose hair and the old-man smell. -Age 5
I once heard the voice of God. It said "Vrrrrmmmmm."
Unless it was just a lawn mower. -Age 11
I don't know about you, but I enjoy watching paint dry. I imagine that
the wet paint is a big freshwater lake that is the only source of water for
some tiny cities by the lake. As the lake gets drier, the population gets more
desperate, and sometimes there are water riots. Once there was a big fire and
everyone died. -Age 13
I like to go down to the dog pound and pretend that I've found my dog.
Then I tell them to kill it anyway because I already gave away all of his
stuff. Dog people sure don't have a sense of humor. -Age 14
I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I
don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the
last day of their life? -Age 15
Whenever I start getting sad about where I am in my life, I think about
the last words of my favorite uncle: "A truck!" -Age 15
Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about letting just
any old yokel vote. -Age 10
Home is where the house is. -Age 6
Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That
is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number. -Age 15
Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the
things I cannot, and a great big bag of money. -Age 13
I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween. -Age
13
For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the
astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's what happens
to cheese when you leave it out. -Age 6
The only stupid question is the one that is never asked, except maybe
"Don't you think it is about time you audited my return?" or
"Isn't it morally wrong to give me a warning when, in fact, I was
speeding?" -Age 15
If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world
peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting
started. -Age 15
I often wonder how come John Tesh isn't as popular a singer as some people think he
should be. Then, I remember it's because he stinks. -Age 15
My younger brother asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried
under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him
the truth--that most of us go to hell and burn eternally-- but I didn't want to
upset him. -Age 10
I gaze at the brilliant full moon. The same one, I think to myself, at which
Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato gazed. Suddenly, I imagine they appear beside
me. I tell Socrates about the national debate over one's right to die and
wonder at the constancy of the human condition. I tell Plato that I live in the
country that has come the closest to Utopia, and I show him a copy of the
Constitution. I tell Aristotle that we have found many more than four basic
elements and I show him a periodic table. I get a box of kitchen matches
and strike one. They gasp with wonder. We spend the rest of the night
burping. -Age 15
As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes
each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of days saved up. -Age
7
It would be terrible if the Red Cross Bloodmobile got into an accident. No, wait. That would be good because if
anyone needed it, the blood would be right there. -Age 5
Think of the biggest number you can. Now add five. Then, imagine if you had
that many Twinkies. Wow, that's five more than the biggest number you
could come up with! -Age 6
Once, I wept for I had no shoes. Then I came upon a man who had no feet. So I took his shoes. I mean, it's not like he
really needed them, right? -Age 15
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