A Few More “You Might be a Redneck if…”
You think the French Riviera is foreign car.
You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
Your source for toilet paper has page numbers on it.
Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave the bingo hall because of her language.
After the Prom you drove the truck while your date hit road signs with beer bottles.
People hear your car a long time before they see it.
Your family tree does not branch.
You think a hot tub is a stolen indoor plumbing fixture.
Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell.
You actually know which kind of leaves make the best substitute for toilet paper.
You took a fishing pole to Sea World.
You clean your fingernails with a stick.
Your brother-in-law is also your uncle.
Your house has wheels and your car doesn't.
You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart.
You prefer car keys to Q-tips.
You've ever bought a used cap.
You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.
You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.
Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
You're considered an expert on worm beds.
You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.
You sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping to fill your deer quota.
You've ever been too drunk to fish.
You have grease under your toenails.
You thought the Unibomber was a wrestler.
Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home.
You ever hit on somebody in a V.D. clinic.
You see no need to stop at rest stops because you have an empty beer bottle in the car.
Directions to your house include "turn off the paved road."
Even though I have seen these scattered around the Internet
with no credits provided, I would imagine that many, if not most of them can be
attributed to Jeff Foxworthy. Heck, they
might have been snagged right out of his book “You might be a Redneck if…” I dunno.
Even if he isn’t totally responsible, let’s blame him anyway. And if you have a minute or two, why don’t
you pop into his official website at
http://www.jefffoxworthy.com/homepage.shtml and snoop around a bit. Just tell him Gene sent you…
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