29 Quickies…
1. My husband and I
divorced over religious differences. He
thought he was God and I didn't.
2. I don't suffer
from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3. Some people are
alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4. I used to have a
handle on life, but it broke.
5. Don't take life
too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6. You're just
jealous because the voices only talk to me.
7. Beauty is in the
eye of the beer holder.
8. Earth is the
insane asylum for the universe.
9. I'm not a
complete idiot - some parts are just missing.
10. Out of my
mind. Back in five minutes.
11. NyQuil, the
stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
12. God must love
stupid people; He made so many.
13. The gene pool
could use a little chlorine.
14. Consciousness:
That annoying time between naps.
15. Ever stop to think,
and forget to start again?
16. Being 'over the
hill' is much better than being under it!
17. Wrinkled was not
one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.
18. Procrastinate
Now!
19. I have a degree
in Liberal Arts; Do you want fries with that?
20. A hangover is
the wrath of grapes.
21. A journey of a
thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
22. Stupidity is not
a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23. They call it
PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
24. He who dies
with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
25. A picture is
worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
26. Ham and eggs - a
day's work for a chicken, a life time commitment for a pig.
27. The trouble
with life is there's no background music.
28. The original
point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
29. I smile because
I don't know what the hell is going on.
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