16
THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN
(This
has been attributed to Dave Barry but I wouldn’t bet on it…)
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not
achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be
"meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental
illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want
you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a compelling reason why we
observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you
think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at
that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a
big deal about your birthday. That time
is age eleven.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender,
religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we
13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person.
(This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built
the
16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and
it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into
something
acceptable to have dinner with.
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