Computerized Medical Exam at Wal-Mart
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him,
“My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor."
"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike
replies. "There's a
diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the
computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten
seconds and costs ten dollars - a lot cheaper than a doctor."
So Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to
Wal-Mart. He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for
the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds
later, the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your
arm in warm water with Epsom salts (aisle 3) and avoid heavy activity. It will
improve in two weeks.
"Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.”
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe
began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a
stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a
sperm sample for good measure. Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the
results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the
results.
The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
(Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.
“Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart!”
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