Life in the Golden Years
Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one
morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said,
'"Mabel, do you know you've got a suppository in your left
ear?"
Mabel answered, "I have a suppository in my ear?"
She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you
saw this thing. Now I think I know where to find my hearing aid."
#########################
When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death
notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea.
No sooner were the papers delivered when a friend of the
family phoned and complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of
diarrhea, not gonorrhea."
Replied the widow, "I nursed him night and day so of course I know he died
of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as
a great lover rather than the big shit he always was."
#########################
An elderly couple were on a cruise
and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching
the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard.
They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain
sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as
soon as they found something.
Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from
the boat. It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at
the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt
was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000… please advise."
The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the
trap."
###########################
A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just
passed away. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the
casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They
hear a faint moan.
They open the casket and find that the woman is actually
alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies.
Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the
pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket
towards the door, the husband cries out, "Watch that wall!"
###########################
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on
a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong.
She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He
makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage,
fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee."
I said, "Well, then why are you crying?"
She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies
and then makes love to me for half the afternoon."
I said, "Well, why are you crying?"
She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with
wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until
I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?"
She said, "I can't remember where I live!"
###########################
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over
the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately,
their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play
cards.
One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other
and said, "Now don't get mad at me. I know we've been friends for a long
time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I
can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared
at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
THE SENILITY PRAYER
Grant me the senility
to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.
NuPathz Home Back to Odds ‘N Ends
NuPathz.com –
Your affordable source for self improvement and self help books & materials
Illuminating the path for personal motivation, growth
and development
SUCCESS = TAKING THE STEPS TO DO THE THINGS YOU WANT TO
DO!