Archive for December, 2013

Holiday Eating Tips

Sunday, December 1st, 2013

 

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HOLIDAY EATING TIPS

1.  Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit.  In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately.  Go next door where they’re serving rum balls.

 

 

2.  Drink as much eggnog as you can.  And quickly.  It’s rare.  You cannot find it any other time of year but now, so drink up!  Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip?  It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It’s a treat.  Enjoy it.  Have one for me.  Have two.  It’s later than you think.  It’s Christmas!

 

 

3.  If something comes with gravy, use it.  That’s the whole point of gravy.  Gravy does not stand alone.  Pour it on.  Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes.  Fill it with gravy.  Eat the volcano.  Repeat.

 

 

4.  As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass.  Why bother?  It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

 

 

5.  Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it.  Hello??!!

 

 

6.  Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s.  You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.  This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

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