I’d Rather Live in
Fantasyland…
OK, it’s time for a ….
REALITY CHECK!! Don’t you just hate it
when that happens? Here we are minding
our own business and dividing our time between Denialville and Fantasyland –
and I come along and start to get pushy about this reality stuff. I know. I am really inconsiderate.
So why am I bringing this up
and completely disrupting your life’s flow?
Because I’m basically a stinker who likes to stir things up just to see
if I can get a couple of crawdads to crawl to the top of the lobster tank. They’re easier to fish out and dispose of
that way.
Here’s the first little
critter you might want to check for.
It’s probably labeled “Not My Fault” – or something like that. This one shows up to the strains of “The
Whiner’s Lullaby”, “The Complainers Serenade” or the “I’m a Victim – You’re a
Victim So We Have a Right to Feel Really, Really Bad” choral arrangement…plus
other tunes too numerous to mention.
Many of us put a lot of
effort into avoiding taking on any personal responsibility for our lives and
refusing to be accountable for our present situation. We lay the blame squarely on our parents, teachers, bosses,
family members, bad guys and anyone else we can think of that might fit the
bill. Why? Because this looks like the easy way out. By laying the blame on someone else, we
escape the pain of reality – and the discomfort and work of having to do
something ourselves to improve the situation.
It’s our personal little cop-out that could keep us in our rut until the
day we die.
About the only way I know of
to get rid of this little guy is to modify our thinking patterns (do some
mental reprogramming) so we can face reality and accept the fact that each one
of us is ultimately accountable for where we are in our lives. Extreme circumstances aside, we all have the
ability – perhaps with some outside help – to make some positive changes in our
lives. The first step here is to
honestly recognize that we personally are responsible for where we are in
life. There may have been strong
outside influences but we ultimately made the decision to do what we’re
doing. Remember, no one can control
our lives unless we give them permission to do so. We always have options.
Important note: If you are being
controlled under threats of physical or emotional harm – GET HELP NOW! One of the universal rules of life is that
nothing is likely to change until we personally do something – until we take
action to improve those things we want to improve.
That brings me to the second
critter which we’ll label “Denial”.
This can take many forms.
“Things aren’t really all that bad.”
“I’m not really codependent.” “I
don’t care what Gene says, I’m really not responsible for my present
situation.” “I’m not addicted to
anything.” “I’m not always sleeping or
on the computer because I’m trying to hide from my life.” “I won’t do anything because I know sooner
or later that things will get better.”
“Not my fault.” Plus a few
hundred thousand similar excuses (rationalizations to keep us from facing
reality).
We are sooo proficient at
rationalizing our way into inaction.
Just comes with a lot of practice I guess. Maybe we would be slightly better off if we started practicing
admitting our mistakes or errors in judgment.
Geez folks, we all screw up. We
all make emotional, spur-of-the-moment decisions. We all make projections using half-truths or skewed facts. Our decisions frequently do not provide the
results we expected. So what! Unless we’re dead, we can always learn from
our experiences and our mistakes – and we can try to do it better or
differently next time.
Just for the heck of it,
here are a few simple examples of screw-ups (rationalizations) and what we
could do about them. “I was late to
work because I had to stop to get gas.”
Fueling up the night before or getting up earlier could prevent
that. “I was late to a meeting because
I couldn’t find the car keys.” Get into
the habit of always hanging them on a hook or putting them in a certain
spot. “My electricity was turned off
because I forgot to pay the bill.” Set
up a budget and stick to it – and always keep your bills together so you can
find them easily. “My car engine
overheated and “froze” up.” Check the
coolant and oil level periodically. “I
got fired because my boss had it out for me.”
Calling him a butthead probably didn’t help either. “My “old lady” kicked me out of the house on
my rear.” Think it might have had
something to do with the two chicks you’ve been shacking up with? “My pile of bills just keeps getting bigger
and bigger.” Back to the budget – and
either spend less or make more money.
You get the idea.
And yes, sometimes stuff
happens that puts our world in a tail-spin.
Illness, deaths in the family, depressed economy, business failures,
natural disasters, etc. can all negatively impact or lives. These things are pretty much beyond our
control. The best we can do when
significant events occur is to stay flexible, develop a plan of action and keep
on truckin’. It is when the major
events happen that the basics become even more important. It won’t help one little bit to waste our
time whining, complaining or grouching about our misfortune. Now it is doubly
important to honestly evaluate our situation, accept reality and do the things
we need to do to move on down the road.
Reality can sometimes be pretty sucky. It is all up to us to individually recognize (face) our personal reality, accept responsibility for the portion of it that belongs to us and do the things we need to do to try to make it better.
NuPathz Home Back to Articles Contents