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Honey, Is this OK to Eat?

 

 

My original intent when I popped the above title on the blank white screen a while back was to provide an helpful article about how to read the dates and notes on various food items – and translate those into appropriate actions that would minimize the possibility of hurling into the porcelain receptacle and/or making trips to the emergency room.  I did a logical amount of research and have all the material I need tucked away neatly in an appropriately labeled folder.

 

However, after spending all of seven seconds rethinking this plan I’ve decided this is not rocket science and devoting more than two paragraphs to this subject would be boring and a total waste of time. So here are the important two paragraphs:

 

1. A “sell by” date simply means your friendly neighborhood grocer should probably think about rotating his stock and put some effort into sliding this product out the door by the designated date. It’s still good to eat.

 

2. A “best if used by” date is our consumer guide to tell us that this food may start to slide down the Really Tasty Scale sometime after that. And yeah, depending on the product, it may be OK to consume for some time.

 

That said, how can we REALLY know when the time has come to toss out our food-type goodies?  Here are some guidelines I use that I’m sure you will find helpful.

 

I’ll always throw out:

 

Sliced cheese that has the look and texture of a miniature shingle.

 

Block cheese with more than a half-inch of fuzz growing on it.

 

Tie-dye colored bread

 

Chunky milk – or milk the cat absolutely refuses to drink

 

Anything (other than honey) more than seven years old. I understand honey will last practically forever – similar to some of today’s margarines.

 

Lettuce that looks like toad snot

 

Dropped food that has remained on the floor for more than 30 seconds - providing the dog doesn’t get it first. (Most of the cat hair will wipe right off…)

 

Products in cans now in the shape of a shoe.

 

Anything scraped from the underneath side of the dining room table.

 

Cottage cheese (it really is spoiled milk, right…?)

 

Biscuits that can shatter a plate

 

Green/white grape jelly

 

Bearded apples, oranges and other fruits

 

Anything the dog brings to me

 

Lunchmeat that keeps sliding off the bread

 

Green grapes that have turned a slimy purple

 

Raisins the size and consistency of mouse turds

 

Peanuts that taste like they may have been stored in the dirty clothes hamper

 

Ham slices that are turning brown and crispy – in the fridge

 

Saltine crackers that sag when picked up

 

Tomatoes with the consistency of a fresh cow pie

 

Anything that smells like a fresh cow pie

 

Anything I find under the couch cushions (unless I’ve just dropped it within the last hour)

 

Anything I can’t identify – or at least make a reasonably good guess as to what it might be

 

Spices purchased before 1970

 

Food stored in Tupperware that has become brittle with age

 

Bananas with the consistency of pudding

 

Brown chocolate bars that are now mostly white

 

Cottage cheese

 

Anything after the cat sat on it

 

Any marshmallow that can be used as a weapon

 

Cereal that is soggy before you put the milk on it

 

Pancake mix that has morphed into concrete

 

Hot dogs with the label “Contents Unknown”

 

Hot dog buns that shatter when I try to open them up

 

Mustard that I can’t easily chip out of its container

 

Potato chips that have been open more than three months

 

Anything in the refrigerator or kitchen cabinets that is moving

 

Tacos purchased from a roadside vendor in Kentucky

 

Oh yeah… and cottage cheese…

 

 

I hope this has been helpful to you.

 

 

One more note: If you really want factual information on food storage and use, you might take a look at http://www.fsis.usda.gov/Fact_Sheets/Food_Product_Dating/index.asp  and/or  http://www.foodsafety.gov/ 

 

 

You’re welcome…

 

 

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